"The Darkest Night"

8th June 2010

It was a rather hot and sticky night really.

I was waiting for the moment to come, the moment where I can chat with him in that small window, silently without disturbing others, without causing awareness of others as well, hoping that the whole world was asleep, but only we awake in the dark night, sharing our thought and concern for each other, in a distance of far and beyond.

During the day, I hope the night can come sooner, so I can see you again; and at night, I hope the night can stay there forever, so I can be with you much longer. But, things doesn’t go as what I expecting; sometime I have to accept that as well, because I really cannot control what should happens or should not be happens, just precautious of our togetherness in this mundane world.

My night of waiting almost shatters, and this does bring me some shock; suddenly I do not know how to face this kind of ordeal, it is like a “punishment” from the god, punishes me of getting into this kind of “relationship”, whereby I should not have. I was keep silent for quite sometimes, starring at the unsympathetic words being sent to me appearing in the screen, on and on; sentences were short, but strong and sharp enough to peer through my heart, I was speechless, confused and lost in my own world of sorrow. Why?

My eye staring at the screen of the keep coming words, no tear can ever run from my eye, I hope I can, at least crying can ease my sorrow, but not; the tear runs backward to the heart, I was blank for the moment, and sink to the darkest of the night with no one could ever lend a hand to me. I was helpless.

Hatred is not the thing I will do to him. To someone I care about, I concern about, I would not and should not do any harm to him; and of course, he has his own reasons to behave like this, he has to throw out all doubts and uncertainty to himself and me, I understand, he is still a young man will not much of experiment with reality, and I hope I can accompany him when he feel lonely, to assist him when he needs help, to guide him when he confront problems in his journey of life.

These are the thing I will do. Just be there for you, when you need me.

One day, you will leave me, or perhaps, I will leave you.

I do not belief in fate that god created for me. My fate is in my own hand. Thats my theory.

For as long as you are available, I hope I can be accompanying you, to see u grow, to see you develop, to see you achieve your dream, to give you any support when you needed. That’s all I would like to do.

Or, may be, you do not want me to do all these things. Or, may be, I am no body to you.

Dear.



-- 9th June 2010